I feel like something's missing. Not sure what but something is...maybe it's me getting antsy and wanting to be able to drive without worrying about gas or having to borrow a car or worrying about money to stay where I wanted or eat. It's not that I regret staying here for the summer instead of going home but I don't have anywhere I can go that soothes me...there aren't any favorite spots. Maybe that's cause I haven't really gone too many places other than GF but there's no place here that I'm like 'oh this is it, I love it.' I can see the beach and hear the waves crashing when I close my eyes and think of it...even the train sometimes sounds like the waves. i miss sitting out on the swing at night listening to music and hearing the crickets chirping, watching the fireflies flicker and hearing the swish of the cars passing on Rt. 28 in front of the house. No, you can't go home forever but it's not even just home..it's the area..it's part of me and it's where I want to be when I need a change. I can't help that even if I wanted to, which sometimes is something I wish for..that I could stop the need to be there even for bits of time. It just doesn't go away and so I push it down and try not to think about it.

Not really going into everything that I've been musing about but I've come to realize that it's okay for things to be grey, to be complicated and hard. Sometimes those are what make us really look at ourselves and change. Life honestly isn't great but I'm okay with that. I'm trying to figure it out. Usually optimistic, this may come as a shock to some:) But sometimes even I get taken for a spin and end up a little cynical and under the weather. However, I hope that you're all doing well or at least doing as well as you can. Talk to you later.